Why I Should Be A Hip Hop Kriminal

Yo G (almost yoga, rhymes with goji, a rich source of antioxidants),

I think in consideration of the following issues I face, i have reasonable grounds to write one of those horribly pretentious songs that those morons in shirts and shorts 4-6 sizes too large, hats on backward and clown shoes tend to shit all over the world with. Lets see what crap i can spurn tonight:

My boss don't cut me no slack, and disses on my language. he won't let me say no worries so i'll light his firm with 'durries' (what those peasants call cigarettes, no?). not really, but i'd like to; then i'll use his tongue to paint my boat (go moe, ... if i only owned a goat?)
2. my family's got problems, and my mum's stressin' out - my Grand-daddy's losin' his marbles and he kicks and now he shouts;
3. well my grand-mom (we pretend we're from the us) she's been sick now. and she's had it all but dr. doyle who'd do more harm no doubt
and my flat mate he's a wanker he can't pay his share of rent
so his mate steps in then he protests and now he's had a vent
to my sis' of course... he's such a horse... except that horses can be useful
this guy just mopes and lies about then gets malicious, angry, rueful
he's as pathetic as a poet
the one from moulin rouge in fact
but even poets have their uses
[ref: wordsworth, Wilde, Aristotle, Pater, Arnold, Pope, Johnson, TS Eliot, Horace, Virgil, Quintilian, Dryden... whoops i let culture and learning show through again. hold on:]
all this guy's got is abuses
and here i'm bein' pretentious and bitchy
what's it for? my leg is itchy
that's the class and style of rhymes the times are lettin' slip but there's more to hit you with its stiff its nasty *biff* goes life on my shoulders feels like i'm carrying boulders
now like all oppressed women
forced to sleep on cheap linen
i'll be headen for winnin'
the battle to keep the rhymes spinnin'
but i'm fading so fast
but kids i had me a blast
cos' these songs are a farce
their like so easy to write
you could use 'em in fight
when you spit down the mic

ok seriously folks, you get it. i hate these guys. but i hate it more that i can identify various elements of my life *so many omitted here for reasons of subject matter sensitivity* that accord frequently with the subject matter of hip hop artists. if you can call them hip hop artists.
and if you exclude such frequent subjects of theirs as 'i hate my bitch' and 'i slept with yo' mamma' and other such mysogynist, derogatory titles. oh and ones RE: 'cut me a break and pay me the living you owe me, world. and no i won't get a job'

mreh

i have to face dr. death tomorrow morning, so i'll call it a night

GO TITANS
EVEN FOOTBALL IS FOR SALE - OH GOLD COAST, HOW I LOVE YOUR SHAMELESSNESS

signing off xxxx